Chance...

Yesterday Chance was put to sleep.

Mama asked me to call Caleb and see if he could take Chance to the Vet to be put to sleep. I asked her if she wanted to go and she said she really didn't feel up to getting out. So, I called Caleb.

When Caleb got here I had already put on her collar and leash and she was walking around with me but every time I stopped, she lay down. He picked her up very gently and put her into the back of his truck. There was an old blanket there but I don't think she used it. Caleb and I drove to the vet's and were barely on time since they close at noon on Saturdays.

I paid the bill and they showed us to a room. The attendant said she'd leave us alone with her for a while and then the doctor would be in. It wasn't too long and the doctor and attendant came in. Caleb asked if she would be in any pain and he said absolutely not, it would be like she fell asleep. He told us that we were making the right decision. She (the attendant) held Chance while the vet swabbed her leg and gave her the shot. She said sometimes it's kinder to let them Go. Caleb said he agreed. He couldn't stand to see her suffer.

(Chance had large tumors all over her body. The ones on her belly were much bigger than the last time they were checked. She was panting in pain almost all the time. Getting up and down was getting harder and taking longer, and she had begun to wet her pad slightly.)

Chance closed her eyes and began to go limp. The attendant slowly and gently lay her down. The vet checked her heart a couple of times and then said she was gone. It all took less than five minutes. Caleb told the vet it was a very positive experience and not at all what he had been expecting. I was relieved as well. Caleb washed his hands in the bathroom and then we headed back to Granny's. Shea and the girls had visited with Mama while we were gone.

At lunch Mama said, "Well, that's one less worry on my mind." She also knows that when the time comes, Sam will come home with me.

When Mary Sue called home, I had to tell her about Chance. She teared up and cried a little and asked to speak to Mama. When they were done she asked to speak to me again and I went over it again, emphasizing how bad Chance's health was and how painlessly and peacefully she went. She said she understood. Mama told me later that she had told Mary Sue this was going to happen today. I guess she tuned that out because she didn't want to hear it.

Well, apparently she didn't really understand because she called back late last night and finally got around to telling me she wasn't mad at me any longer.I didn't know she WAS mad at me but I guess she was. She said she thought I made the decision because I wanted her gone. I assured her that Mama made the decision and for good reasons. I reminded her that the Vet said it was absolutely the right decision.

She said she wasn't mad any more and had even bought me an ice cream dipper (guilt gift?). (She tells me she loves me all the time but I've always known that is one of the ways she manipulates people - I don't think she loves anyone really. Maybe Mama, but sometimes I think that's only for the money. I should delete this but maybe later is will help me see that it really was what happened because she will probably deny that she was ever mad at all.)

So I went over the entire thing once again and she seemed more at peace with it. I hope she is. If she loved anyone, she really loved Chance. She's always loved her animals. She enjoyed how excited Chance got when she came home and enjoyed having her walk to the mailbox with her. I'm so glad she wasn't here when we took her. It was hard on Mama too, to make the decision. Mary Sue forgets things like that and Mama didn't need to deal with Mary Sue's drama. Poor Deb got it all!